My own experience

At young age I was sent to my nanny's one weekend where she told me that the person who I thought was my mum, had met and married my dad when I was four and that I had been taken away from my birth mum at eighteen months old and lived with my grandparents. I have no recollection of this. My dad left when I was about 9 or 10 and I never saw him again.

As a teenager, I wasn't supported when an uncle spoke about things no child should ever have to hear and heput his hands in places they should never have been, this affected how I saw myself and other people. I felt unloved and unimportant and struggled to trust adults. I could n't understand why my parents did n't love me and why no one helped me. I developed phobias and struggled with social anxiety and low self esteem.

I now know that parents/ adults have struggles of their own and do the best they can in difficult situations.

I've experienced therapy myself, for anxiety, phobias and postnatal depression. I know what it's like to need support, the fear of judgement, how difficult it can be to reach out for help and having the courage to put your trust in someone else, wanting them to help you make sense of what's going on in your head and hoping that you can change.

I know that change IS possible and this is the why I do the job I do and the driving force behind The Uncluttered Mind

Outside the Therapy Room

I'm a wife, a mum to two adult children and after 31 years of family life, I'm happy where I'm at. I share small parts of my story on social media and what I've learnt along the way, in the hope that it will give others the courage to do the same.

As a bit of an animal lover and weather geek, I feel lucky that living in Bradwell, Norfolk gives me plenty of opportunities to explore and connect with nature along the miles of woodland, fields and beaches where I walk my dogs.

I don't pretend to have all the answers, but I do believe that with the right support, self belief, courage and the willingness to put in the work, we can all change the way we experience life.

My Philosophy

I genuinely believe change is possible for anyone who's willing to put the work in. You're never too old and it's never too late.

We all develop certain ways of thinking and behaving, some of this is learnt during our childhood and teenage years. Some is in response to stress or life situations and becomes a habit through repetition as a way of avoiding discomfort, uncertainty or fear.

Over time, those responses become so familiar that they happen automatically.

The good news is .....Patterns can be understood and they can be changed and that is why I believe we can all change if we are willing to put the effort in.

My Role

Is to build a strong therapeutic relationship with you, where you can be completely honest and vulnerable, working together as a team to help you understand yourself better, learning new tools and techniques that you can put into practice to build up your confidence and resilience, so you truly believe you can handle things even during the toughest of times.

I'm not here to wave a magic wand and give you all the answers. We will work together and you will learn how to problem solve and ask yourself the right questions.

So instead of thinking:

"Why am I like this?"

You might ask yourself:

"What is this behaviour stopping me from thinking about or feeling? What I would like to be doing instead?"

Instead of:

"I'm not good"

You might ask:

"What does good enough look like, who gets to decide this? What would make me feel good enough and what do I need to do to get there? "

Knowing the right questions to ask yourself will help you to develop better self awareness, along with the confidence and resilience to go for opportunities that move you towards the life you want.

Do you ever think Why do I keep doing this when I know it's not helping me?

One of our brains main functions is to keep us safe, this has n't changed since we lived in caves fighting for daily survival and it has n't learnt that we don't live that type of existence anymore. In order to do this it scans for danger and to save time and energy it repeats familiar patterns.

Every time a thought or behaviour reduces discomfort, creates relief or helps us avoid something difficult, the brain learns from that experience. With repetition this becomes an automatic habit.

That's why change can feel hard, even when you really want it, as the old pattern has had much more practice.

I work in the here and now, CBT won't change your past. It's been researched and proven to help you understand your thoughts & behavioural patterns, you learn to recognise what been keeping these going and gradually, you learn to challenge, reframe and change, building new ways of thinking and responding.

Many of us live our lives imagining future fear based scenarios, BUT you have n’t been judged, rejected, embarrassed or criticised yet. Anxiety tells your body that this is a real threat and it is happening now.   

If you were to take a second and re-imagine these scenarios and this time you feel confident, resilient and you know you can handle yourself even if you are put on the spot or thrown a curveball, how do you think you would be feeling in your body, what would be different about the thoughts you were having?

This is how Hypno-CBTs works, you get to rehearse and try out different ways of thinking and responding, so when these situations crop up in your everyday life, your mind and body have already accepted the updated version and know how to respond positively.

This is the crux of what we do together, unpicking, understanding, challenging, reframing and updating the thought patterns and behaviours that are no longer in your best interests so that you can go forward and live your life feeling confident and resilient while being your authentic self.